Hallmark Christmas Countdown (for Seniors)

It’s December! Christmas Season. The season to be jolly and to overdose on Hallmark Christmas movies.

These movies may all seem alike with the “Kiss” coming at the 59th minute of the movie and lasting to fade-out. Candace Cameron Bure hosts the Christmas Countdown, and stars in many of the movies.

There is always a good-looking, manly , male lead. usually a Canadian, and many of the small towns of Ontario, and British Columbia are used to portray Minnesota or Vermont, or Oregon. This year we saw A Christmas Scavenger Hunt which was filmed partly in my sister’s home town, here in Ontario.

We have seen every kind of plot from a woman forced to travel to a small town to buy out the cookie factory company which happens to be owned by a good looking manly Canadian male, to a good looking, manly Canadian male who is forced to travel to a small town to put everyone out of work including the woman he once jilted, usually played by Candace Cameron Bure, or Lacey Chabert.

I want to make a couple of suggestions for next year’s Hallmark Christmas movies. Mix it up a little, as my husband used to say to our daughters when they were dating. 2020 is the year for Hallmark Christmas movies for seniors. Why should Candace Cameron Bure and Lacey Chabert have all the fun?

The following titles are my suggestions for next Christmas.

1. Falling for Christmas – The heroine, Mildred Carter, played by  Lacey Chabert’s grandmother, is on her way to the mall to do her Christmas shopping, when she falls, and breaks her ankle. But it’s no problem because semi-retired handsome, Canadian male doctor, George Ivey sets the ankle, and sets Mildred’s heart on fire at the same time.
2. The (Faded) Sounds of Christmas – Holly Garland makes an appointment at the Hearing Centre because she was unable to hear the dialog in this year’s Hallmark movies. Semi-retired, handsome Canadian male audiologist, Fred Wilkes, fits Holly with hearing aids and fixes her TV set at the same time because the sound had been turned off!
3. Sugar-free Christmas Cookies – Type 2 Diabetic, Mavis Grant, returns to her home town to take over the Christmas Cookie Shop that her aunt left to her. She decides to bake sugar-free cookies, to help the slightly overweight residents of North Light, Vermont, when Reggie Tudor walks into the shop to satisfy his sweet tooth and ends up going sweet on Mavis, played by Candace Cameron Bure’s grandmother.
4.  A Blurry Christmas – Myrtle Davis’s cataracts have been bothering her for some time, when she literally runs into the town’s semi-retired handsome police chief who picks her up and personally escorts her to the eye doctor’s office, where Myrtle and the police chief, Clem Fraser, are able to take advantage of the two for one cataract surgery special, for the month of December. They don’t really see each other properly until Christmas eve, but it is okay because Clem is a handsome, manly Canadian police chief.
5.  I’ll Be at the Home For Christmas – Maxine Simpson gets a little confused around the holiday, and wanders from the retirement residence where she has been living since her husband passed three years before. But semi-retired village taxi driver, Ralph Needham, who had been jilted by Maxine in their youth, spots her and returns her to the home and signs up to become a new resident just before.  Christmas. The “kiss” comes at the 59th minute of the movie.
6. Mall-Walking Through Christmas – Mary Walsh joins the Mall-walking group at her local shopping centre, and catches the eye of the walking group’s president, Angus MacLean. At first he follows her up and down and around and around the mall, but eventually Mary notices that he is always at her elbow and invites him to join her. However, Shirley Biggs, has had her eye on Angus for years, and tries to stir up trouble. She sabotages Mary’s walker! This is no problem for Mary since Angus invites her to hang onto his walker and they stroll off into the early morning before the mall opens.
7. A Bridge to Christmas – Josephine Edson needs some work done on her teeth and handsome dentist, Richard Richards, is just the manly man who can provide her with a bridge, so that she can eat the turkey dinner that she plans to have alone in her apartment. The bridge fits very well and Josephine is happy, but Richard wants to check it our for himself, and invites himself to her place for Christmas dinner. While eating, he had a slight dental accident, which leads to the movie sequel,  The Christmas Crown. Kiss at minute 59.
8. Cold and Hot Christmas – It is -40 C (-40F) but Maggie Sutherland is roasting in her little house by the sea. Semi-retired furnace repairman, Joey Thorn, drops by to see what the problem is. There is NO problem! Maggie’s furnace works just fine. Her hot flashes are causing the overheating, and Joey suggests she cool things down a bit by taking her sweater off and then putting it on then taking it off, then… Maggie explained that that’s just what she’s been doing so they decide to get married since Joey has always been cold since his late wife passed three years before. A match made in heaven.
9. Back to the Home for Christmas  – The sequel to I’ll Be At the Home For Christmas. Maxine wanders away again, but her man always brings her back.
10. The Twelve Grandchildren of Christmas – Proud grandmother Janice Neville, has always wanted twelve grandchildren, and is rather annoyed at her daughter who had six boys in a row and refused to have any more babies. But Janice meets retired (yes, he retired two months ago), astro-physicist turned town handyman, Alan Carruthers, in the toy shop she is looking after for her daughter, who is still on maternity leave. Alan, who has six granddaughters, and Janice bond while building a replica of Santa’s sleigh out of Lego. Christmas dinner will be chaotic but all those boys and girls will eventually grow up and star in their own Hallmark Christmas Movies!

If anyone from Hallmark ever reads this, know that I love all the Hallmark movies and mysteries, especially the Christmas ones. I think Candace Cameron Bure and Lacey Chabert are very good actresses, but I am not sure about their grandmothers.

I’d like to be the first to volunteer my services, should Hallmark decide to produce one of these 2020 movies. My choice would be The Twelve Grandchildren of Christmas. I think it offers more scope for my acting abilities.

Merry Christmas and the Lord bless you throughout the New Year. Thanks for visiting my site. – Maureen Brasset Coyne

 

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