Vows, Vowels, or Bowels???

I value my Canadian citizenship greatly and I was relieved to find out that I didn’t have to renounce my birth country when I received my “Senior” citizenship in February, 2010.

Just as new immigrants to Canada are tested on their knowledge of this new land and take an oath of allegiance to Canada, I had to demonstrate at least a minimal knowledge of “Seniordom” by answering the following two questions:

Question #1. When does a person become a senior citizen?

Answer: A person becomes a senior citizen at 65 years of age.

WRONG!  It could be 55, 60,70, 80, or 90, depending on the thickness of your wallet, the thickness of your brain, or the number of facelifts, liposuctions, and tummy tucks you’ve decided to pay for….or if you’re in prison, the number you’ve opted to have the Canadian government pay for.

Question #2. There is no question #2, or if there was, I’ve forgotten it.

Now for the seven (7) Oaths of Senior Citizenship.

I promise to watch every commercial and memorize every “800” number for:

 – Life Lines (“I’ve fallen and can’t get up.”)

– Stair Lifts

– Walk-in Tubs

– Walkers

– Hearing Aids

– Adult Diapers

– Motorized Wheel Chairs and Scooters

– Assisted Living/Senior’s Care Homes, (which for some reason are always located next door to a funeral home).

2. I promise to buy reading glasses at the corner store and scour the obituaries (using the store-bought reading glasses) for any familiar names.

3. I promise to complain daily about irregularity, sore knees, irregularity, arthritic joints, and irregularity.

4. I promise to forget everyone’s name from time to time and refer to my doctor as “that young fellow”.

5. I promise to never again do a shoulder check when driving a car, because I can’t turn around far enough, and even if I could, I can’t see anyway.

6. I promise to shout everything I say, even if the person I am speaking to is standing right beside me, because if I can’t hear myself, surely no one else can hear me.

Senior citizenship is a great responsibility.  I will uphold the laws of Seniordom and extol its virtues to anyone who is seeking to enter this fabulous state.

Oops!  I almost forgot the last item on the Oath of Senior Citizenship.

7. In restaurants, I promise to speak loudly to my companion about all my medications, operations, and surgical procedures. (The more graphic the better.) ((X-rays and MRIs would only add to the experience.)

Gotta go!  It’s senior’s day on the buses, and we ride free!  Really!

Thanks for reading,

Maureen